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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Floral Arrangement At Funeral Talked About More Than Deceased

CHICAGO—Although Ernest Quarles was a reasonably beloved member of his family, the floral arrangements at his Sunday funeral service dominated conversation during the post-funeral luncheon at the home of Quarles' niece, Carol Sands. "I had a nice talk with the pastor about how Ernie looked so natural amid all those pretty mums, tulips, and baby's breath," Sands said. "They were very nice. Not too showy, but still really quite pretty." Family members agreed that it was a tragedy that Ernest went the way he did, and that the Hawaiian daisies were probably just thrown out after the ceremony.

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