How close has the nuclear-armed world come to a descending into outright global catastrophe? The Onion explains nuclear proliferation.
CHICAGOAlthough Ernest Quarles was a reasonably beloved member of his family, the floral arrangements at his Sunday funeral service dominated conversation during the post-funeral luncheon at the home of Quarles' niece, Carol Sands. "I had a nice talk with the pastor about how Ernie looked so natural amid all those pretty mums, tulips, and baby's breath," Sands said. "They were very nice. Not too showy, but still really quite pretty." Family members agreed that it was a tragedy that Ernest went the way he did, and that the Hawaiian daisies were probably just thrown out after the ceremony.