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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Florida Names Charlie Weis New Fat Offensive Coordinator

GAINSVILLE, FL—The University of Florida Gators confirmed Monday that former fat Notre Dame coach Charlie Weis will leave the NFL to become their fat offensive coordinator and fat quarterbacks coach. "Not only does he have fat coaching experience at a major college, but he earned four fat Super Bowl rings and really has a knack for running a complex offense while fat," Florida head coach Will Muschamp said at a press conference. "His fat coaching style really complements our new staff, which now includes medium-sized defensive coordinator Dan Quinn and tiny little offensive-line coach Frank Verducci." Muschamp added that he thinks the fat Weis will fit in perfectly with Florida's drug-addled football team of dipshit criminals.

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