adBlockCheck

Sports

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
End Of Section
  • More News

Floyd Mayweather Sr. Puts Price On Teaching Someone How To Beat Up Son

LAS VEGAS—Floyd Mayweather Sr., manager of prizefighter Oscar de la Hoya, announced yesterday that the cost of teaching de la Hoya how to beat up Floyd Mayweather Jr., the trainer's own flesh and blood, someone whom he helped bring into this world and someone he loves and cherishes more than anyone, would be $2 million. "Listen, if Oscar were fighting my cousin or even my brother, I would take $1 million easy. But this is my son we're talking about," said Mayweather, adding that years ago, before he tucked his son into bed every night, he told him he loved him so much that he would always be there to protect him unless he was paid $2 million to do otherwise. "I'm like Abraham, and my son is like Isaac. And Oscar de la Hoya, if he pays me $2 million, will retain his WBC welterweight title." Mayweather added that for $3 million he would slip downers in his son's water bottle between rounds.

More from this section

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close