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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Flyers Defeat Devils In What Everyone Involved Believes To Be Preseason Game

NEWARK, NJ—In a game that everyone in the stands and on the ice believed to be a tune-up before the NHL's regular season begins, Philadelphia Flyers goalie Ray Emery led his team to a 5-2 victory over the New Jersey Devils Saturday night. "We made a few mistakes out there, but we'll get those ironed out by the time these games count," said Flyers center Mike Richards, whose second goal of the 2009-2010 regular season lifted the Flyers to a 2-0-0 record. "You can't get too worked up about an exhibition game. Most of the fans left in the middle of the second period anyway." During a postgame press conference, Devils coach Jacques Lemaire told reporters that he wasn't worried about the loss, saying that during the regular season he would never pull his goalie for the entire third period just to get some practice playing with an extra attacker.

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