Focus: Who Is Paul Ryan?

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Vol 48 Issue 33

Breaking Bad

AMC 10:00 p.m. EDT/9:00 p.m. CDT Walt ups the ante when he discovers he can make much more money through careful observation of financial trends and prudent investment in the stock market.

Torrent Time

G4 4:00 a.m. EDT/3:00 a.m. CDT This virtual showcase presents a selection of the web's most popular illegal downloads. This week: a Croatian dub of the The Dark Knight Rises and some pornography.
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Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Focus: Who Is Paul Ryan?

Rep. Paul Ryan was announced Saturday as Republican candidate Mitt Romney’s vice presidential running mate. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about the 42-year-old Wisconsin politician:

Birth Place: Congressional hatchery with 15,000 other squirming political pupae

Favorite 2012 Presidential Candidate: Libertarian Gary Johnson

Vice Presidential Vetting Process: Was asked if he was gay about 47 different ways

Foreign Policy Experience: Romney-level of low

Wants to See: An America without poor and sick people, but probably not in the way you'd like

Favorite Olympics: 2002 Winter Games In Salt Lake City

Weapon: Throwing knives

Number of Words Spoken to Mitt Romney: 16

Aspirations: Hopes to one day cut his own job

Willing to Do What's Needed to Take Back the White House and Make America Great Again: Yes

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