Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
End Of Section
  • More News

Fog Machine Heightens Drama At Children's Piano Recital

SOMERVILLE, MA—A fog machine heightened the drama at a children's piano recital Sunday, injecting considerable tension into an otherwise routine affair. "Right in the middle of Timmy's performance of 'Swanee River,' the smoke machine went off," said the boy's mother, Gloria Reid. "Everyone started to 'ooh' and 'aah.' I was so proud." For the next recital, organizers plan to install a giant, lava-spewing volcano.


Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.