adBlockCheck

Following 300th Victory, Randy Johnson Returns Healthy Back To Local Man

Top Headlines

Sports

Report: Gonzaga’s In Washington, Right?

NEW YORK—Ahead of the team’s first-round game against Seton Hall in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, a new report released Thursday revealed that Gonzaga is in Washington state, right?

Teary-Eyed Robert Griffin III Slips On Draft Day Suit Again

WASHINGTON—With several tears streaming down his face as he stood alone in his bedroom’s walk-in closet, sources confirmed Wednesday that former Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III slipped on the suit he wore to the 2012 NFL Draft.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Following 300th Victory, Randy Johnson Returns Healthy Back To Local Man

SAN FRANCISCO—After recording his 300th career victory on June 4, Giants pitcher Randy Johnson returned the back he had borrowed for use in the game to its rightful owner, Mountain View, CA resident Craig Rowin. "I'm just happy he kept his word and returned it," said Rowin, who complained that after trading backs with Johnson he was unable to physically lift himself from his living room couch for an entire week. "Every time I sneezed, it felt like broken glass moving around in there, and sounded like an industrial-sized sheet of bubble wrap being popped. My own back isn't even that great to begin with, but still, I'm glad it could play a small part in baseball history." After reading an ad on Craiglist, Rowin has also offered to lend his rotator cuff to user pedro-mart193847765@craigslist.org.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close