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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Following 300th Victory, Randy Johnson Returns Healthy Back To Local Man

SAN FRANCISCO—After recording his 300th career victory on June 4, Giants pitcher Randy Johnson returned the back he had borrowed for use in the game to its rightful owner, Mountain View, CA resident Craig Rowin. "I'm just happy he kept his word and returned it," said Rowin, who complained that after trading backs with Johnson he was unable to physically lift himself from his living room couch for an entire week. "Every time I sneezed, it felt like broken glass moving around in there, and sounded like an industrial-sized sheet of bubble wrap being popped. My own back isn't even that great to begin with, but still, I'm glad it could play a small part in baseball history." After reading an ad on Craiglist, Rowin has also offered to lend his rotator cuff to user pedro-mart193847765@craigslist.org.

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