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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Font Too Small

WASHINGTON—Sources across the nation confirmed today that the font in this article is too small. Reports said the font, a 4-point Helvetica, is far too miniscule to be easily read by anyone and is, moreover, not the standard font size used in other articles on this website. Additional sources indicated that while this font is certainly more legible, it is ultimately far too big but would, nevertheless, probably be preferred to a font this small, or even a font that is just slightly bigger, like this. At press time, sources were also confirming that under no circumstances is a red font such as this acceptable.

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