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Report: Someone Needs To Get Chips And Dip Away From Area Man

EDISON, NJ—Repeatedly emphasizing that the ruffled potato chips and accompanying French onion dip were just too good, a report released Thursday confirmed that someone needs to get them away from local partygoer Ian Ashcraft before he eats the whole thing.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Font Too Small

WASHINGTON—Sources across the nation confirmed today that the font in this article is too small. Reports said the font, a 4-point Helvetica, is far too miniscule to be easily read by anyone and is, moreover, not the standard font size used in other articles on this website. Additional sources indicated that while this font is certainly more legible, it is ultimately far too big but would, nevertheless, probably be preferred to a font this small, or even a font that is just slightly bigger, like this. At press time, sources were also confirming that under no circumstances is a red font such as this acceptable.

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