adBlockCheck

Sports

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
End Of Section
  • More News

Football Coach Who Just Cursed Out 14-Year-Old Also Special Education Teacher

ALEXANDRIA, AL—Sources at Alexandria High School confirmed Thursday that football head coach Eric Grier, the man who just unleashed an abusive, profane tirade at 14-year-old freshman linebacker Brandon Baker, also serves as the school’s special education teacher. “What the fuck was that? You’re lollygagging out there like a fucking turd,” said Grier, who during the school day is responsible for teaching and providing emotional support to kids with learning and developmental disorders. “No, shut the fuck up. That was fucking horrendous. You’re wasting this team’s time and you’re wasting my goddamn time, so I better not fucking see you pulling any more of that soft-ass pansy bullshit.” After practice ended, the 36-year-old coach reportedly drove home to have dinner with his wife and two young children.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close