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Sports

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?
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Football Coach Who Just Cursed Out 14-Year-Old Also Special Education Teacher

ALEXANDRIA, AL—Sources at Alexandria High School confirmed Thursday that football head coach Eric Grier, the man who just unleashed an abusive, profane tirade at 14-year-old freshman linebacker Brandon Baker, also serves as the school’s special education teacher. “What the fuck was that? You’re lollygagging out there like a fucking turd,” said Grier, who during the school day is responsible for teaching and providing emotional support to kids with learning and developmental disorders. “No, shut the fuck up. That was fucking horrendous. You’re wasting this team’s time and you’re wasting my goddamn time, so I better not fucking see you pulling any more of that soft-ass pansy bullshit.” After practice ended, the 36-year-old coach reportedly drove home to have dinner with his wife and two young children.

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