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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Football Hall Of Fame Announces Finalists For Advertisers’ Wing

CANTON, OH—E*Trade, Coca-Cola, and Pizza Hut, all first-year eligible candidates, have been announced as finalists for the 2006 Advertisers' Class of the Pro Football Hall of Fame. "We feel this is the loudest, most omnipresent series of ads since Budweiser's 'Wassup' and the Coors Light 'Twins' were inducted two years ago," said Hall of Fame Interim Executive Director Ron Dougherty. "We're looking forward to seeing which of these highly qualified candidates will have their advertising campaigns cast in bronze and placed with the other immortals in the General Motors Memorial Advertisers' Wing." Representatives from the 20 largest advertising agencies will make their selections in the next month, with inductees scheduled to be announced during, and as part of, the fourth through eighth commercial breaks of the ESPY Awards on July 12.

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