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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Football Hall Of Fame Announces Finalists For Advertisers’ Wing

CANTON, OH—E*Trade, Coca-Cola, and Pizza Hut, all first-year eligible candidates, have been announced as finalists for the 2006 Advertisers' Class of the Pro Football Hall of Fame. "We feel this is the loudest, most omnipresent series of ads since Budweiser's 'Wassup' and the Coors Light 'Twins' were inducted two years ago," said Hall of Fame Interim Executive Director Ron Dougherty. "We're looking forward to seeing which of these highly qualified candidates will have their advertising campaigns cast in bronze and placed with the other immortals in the General Motors Memorial Advertisers' Wing." Representatives from the 20 largest advertising agencies will make their selections in the next month, with inductees scheduled to be announced during, and as part of, the fourth through eighth commercial breaks of the ESPY Awards on July 12.

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