adBlockCheck

Sports

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
End Of Section
  • More News

'Forbes' Names Tim Tebow World’s Most Influential Former Athlete

NEW YORK—Forbes magazine named recently cut New York Jets backup quarterback Tim Tebow as the world’s most influential former athlete Thursday, stating that the 25-year-old holds more sway than anyone else who used to play sports. “In the world of professional sports played before April 2013, Tim Tebow is king,” said Forbes sportswriter Tom Van Riper, adding that the ex-NFL player was still tremendously popular and held a position of stature among athletes who have concluded their careers. “We asked Americans which washed-up former backup athlete they believe wields the most clout, and most didn’t even hesitate as they said Tim Tebow.” Forbes sources confirmed that Tebow narrowly beat out fellow former athlete Derek Jeter for the list’s top spot.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close