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Ford Assembly Line Foreman Thinking About Asking Out Cute Welding Robot From Work

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Entire Broncos Organization Announces Retirement After Super Bowl Win

‘There’s Nothing Better Than Going Out On Top,’ Says Every Denver Player, Coach, Executive, Trainer, Office Administrator, Janitor

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following the team’s 24-10 victory over the Carolina Panthers in Super Bowl 50, every single member of the Denver Broncos organization officially announced their retirement Sunday.

Family, Friends Concerned After Peyton Manning Wanders Away From Pocket

SANTA CLARA, CA—Admitting to being “worried sick” after realizing he had suddenly disappeared in the middle of a play, family and friends of Peyton Manning grew incredibly concerned Sunday after the veteran Denver Broncos quarterback wandered away from the pocket during the first quarter of Super Bowl 50, sources confirmed.
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Ford Assembly Line Foreman Thinking About Asking Out Cute Welding Robot From Work

DEARBORN, MI—Sources said Tuesday that Bruce Garver, a 42-year-old assembly line foreman at the Ford Motor Company's Dearborn, MI, plant, is giving serious consideration to asking a cute welding robot he works with out on a date. "She's not only pretty, but I've never seen anyone so committed to their job," said Garver, who said he'd asked around and learned that no one recalled the DX 700 spot welder ever mentioning a boyfriend. "I'd never want to interfere with that, of course, but I bet she gets lonely sometimes. I know I do." At press time, Garver had still not approached the 1,900-pound robot, reportedly convinced that she was way out of his league.

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