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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Foreign Guy Probably Dressed Very Fashionably For Wherever He’s From

DENVER—According to sources, the foreign guy spotted on Colfax Avenue wearing tight, distressed green jeans and a graphic tee could very well be at the height of fashion back in his home country, wherever that may be. “Sure, he’s wearing really boxy glasses and his hair is all spiky on top and shaved around the sides, but I don’t know, maybe that’s just what’s in vogue back where he’s from,” said Denver resident Kyle Shea, adding that in the foreign man’s birthplace it is probably the height of chic to have the word “Love” embroidered in glitter across one’s T-shirt. “Hell, maybe all the tastemakers in God-knows-where-he’s-from leave the house every day in purple undershirts, Skechers, and gold chains. Who am I to say?” At press time, Shea was thinking it’s got to be either Russia or Croatia, possibly Turkey.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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