Foreign Travel Tips

Top Headlines

Recent News

Goals Of The Paris Climate Talks

Over 150 world leaders are meeting in Paris this week to address the global effects of climate change in the hopes that a unified international effort can avert grave future consequences for the planet. Here are the major goals of the Paris climate talks

How To File A Patent

In the United States, anyone who believes they have invented something truly unique is welcome to fill out a patent application to protect it, but it’s often a complicated and laborious process. Here are the steps involved in securing a patent

EPA Urges Nation To Develop New Air Source

WASHINGTON—Citing the hazardous levels of carbon dioxide and other pollutants accumulating in the atmosphere, officials from the Environmental Protection Agency urged the nation this week to develop a new air source.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Area Man

This Great Song, Bar Sources Report

TOMAH, WI—Pausing their conversations momentarily to call attention to the music playing on the establishment’s jukebox, sources at local bar Shepherd’s confirmed to reporters Friday that this is a great song.

Election 2016

Foreign Travel Tips

Traveling abroad can be a wonderful experience, but it's even better when you're prepared. Here are some tips to help make your next trip a safe and enjoyable one:

  • Get foreign TV schedules in advance to decide exactly what shows you want to watch.
  • Always bellow, "I'm an American, you filthy foreign barbarians!" to ensure top-quality service while abroad.
  • If you bend over to close your suitcase and hear a "Zwip! Thump!" sound, then discover a knife wobbling in the wall behind you, it could mean you've unintentionally become entangled in a web of international espionage and intrigue.
  • Carrying cash is unwise when traveling abroad; be sure to purchase lenty of McDonald's gift certificates before you leave.
  • Before leaving home, take your pets to local humane society and have them put to sleep; get new pets when you come back.
  • Many people in foreign countries do not speak English; you may need to speak louder and/or slower in order to make yourself understood.
  • When traveling through Europe, remind everyone you encounter that, if not for America, they would all be speaking German. (Note: Does not work in Germany.)
  • Do not treat foreign waiters with the slightest shred of human dignity; a friendly attitude will only earn their disrespect.
  • When traveling through Italy, be sure to get a load of the racks on some of those Ginas.
  • If you see Karl Malden ominously narrating before a camera while you are checking into a hotel, keep an extra-close eye on your credit cards; a commercial may be being filmed with you as the subject/victim.
  • When in Great Britain, remember to follow local customs and eat with a pair of tweezers.
  • When reentering U.S., remove heroin-filled condoms from stomach immediately.
  • Foreigners have lots of colorful local customs and ways; many of them will not mind if you ask them to shoot bananas out of their vaginas, blow smoke rings with their anuses, or perform fellatio on mules. Live it up a little! It can't hurt to ask.