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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Foreman Whips Up Special Batch Of Concrete For Favorite Customer

OMAHA, NE—Schultz Concrete Company foreman Al Grayson, 42, mixed up a home-made vat of his finest concrete blend Tuesday for Brenner Construction employee Charles Jacobin, after inviting his favorite customer to "follow [him] 'round back for the good stuff." "Charlie's been coming to me for years, and I know exactly how he likes it," said Grayson, adding that his special batch isn't the kind that lasts just long enough to satisfy the inspectors but then falls apart. "This is concrete the way my grandfather made it, with just a touch of gypsum. There was only one bag left, so I tucked it away for my main man Charlie." While Grayson refused to divulge his secret recipe, he did claim to use only organic cement, artesian well water, and "enough quartzite to make any sidewalk sparkle."

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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