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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Former Nun Responds To Release Of Pau Gasol Sex Tape

The Lakers are dealing with another distraction as they make their playoff push: the leak of a surreal, expressionistic sex tape starring power forward Pau Gasol. The woman who filmed and appears in the tape, an ex-nun known only as "H," agreed to write about her experience filming with Gasol:

I am disturbed by the release of the tape, but only the timing and the nature of the release. "Physiology Of Desire" was conceived not as a "sex tape" in the traditional sense, but as a radical deconstruction of western notions of sexuality, eroticism, sense, capitalism and longing. Though filmed months ago, the project was not complete, and it was our intention for the film to be screened only once against the wall of an abandoned train station. For the film to be distributed on television and over the internet cheapens its effect and dulls the alienating blow it was meant to deliver.

Since its release, most have read the film as a piece of erotica through the lens of the male gaze. This interpretation is incorrect. "Physiology Of Desire" was intended as a critique of imperialistic sensuality -- those who see it as less than this miss the irony. I am amused by the public's reaction of disdain and mock horror -- it only proves the ideas upon which the film was based. I know Pau is more idealistic in his art; he would have liked for the film to change people's minds.

As for Pau himself, he was inspired, generous and professional, and I know I could never work with him again. I wish him luck in his next project, and hope he finds satisfaction in himself, as those who create to please any other than themselves are inevitably disappointed.

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