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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Former Orlando Breakers Coach Michael 'Dauber' Dybinski Adjusts To New GM Duties

ORLANDO, FL—Dismissing questions regarding his lack of executive experience, his willingness to make tough personnel decisions, and rumors that his team may soon move to Los Angeles, two-time Super Bowl champion coach and former Monday Night Football broadcaster Michael 'Dauber' Dybinski reassured fans that he was ready to take over the position of general manager for the Orlando Breakers. "I guess I got a lot to learn about what the salary cap is if I'm supposed to wear it every day," Dybinski joked Monday in an obvious jibe at critics who repeatedly questioned his intelligence. "Seriously, though, we're balanced in the locker room with both decent young talent and veteran leaders, we have a $45 million secured municipal bond float for stadium renovations over the next six years, I have a seat at the table for the new collective bargaining agreement, and I've got a feeling this is the year we finally beat the Bills in the playoffs. I love this job." Dybinski also took time to mention that his predecessor, former Breakers coach and general manager Hayden Fox, will always be in his prayers and serves as a tragic example of why one should never drink and drive.

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