adBlockCheck

Former Orlando Breakers Coach Michael 'Dauber' Dybinski Adjusts To New GM Duties

Top Headlines

Sports

Area Man Unsure If He’s Male-Bonding Or Being Bullied

Perplexed local man Russell Chambliss has no idea if the coworkers seated with him at Malone’s Irish Tavern are attempting to forge a male bond with him or cruelly harassing him, the 26-year-old shipping clerk told reporters Wednesday evening.

Report: Gonzaga’s In Washington, Right?

NEW YORK—Ahead of the team’s first-round game against Seton Hall in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, a new report released Thursday revealed that Gonzaga is in Washington state, right?

Teary-Eyed Robert Griffin III Slips On Draft Day Suit Again

WASHINGTON—With several tears streaming down his face as he stood alone in his bedroom’s walk-in closet, sources confirmed Wednesday that former Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III slipped on the suit he wore to the 2012 NFL Draft.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Former Orlando Breakers Coach Michael 'Dauber' Dybinski Adjusts To New GM Duties

ORLANDO, FL—Dismissing questions regarding his lack of executive experience, his willingness to make tough personnel decisions, and rumors that his team may soon move to Los Angeles, two-time Super Bowl champion coach and former Monday Night Football broadcaster Michael 'Dauber' Dybinski reassured fans that he was ready to take over the position of general manager for the Orlando Breakers. "I guess I got a lot to learn about what the salary cap is if I'm supposed to wear it every day," Dybinski joked Monday in an obvious jibe at critics who repeatedly questioned his intelligence. "Seriously, though, we're balanced in the locker room with both decent young talent and veteran leaders, we have a $45 million secured municipal bond float for stadium renovations over the next six years, I have a seat at the table for the new collective bargaining agreement, and I've got a feeling this is the year we finally beat the Bills in the playoffs. I love this job." Dybinski also took time to mention that his predecessor, former Breakers coach and general manager Hayden Fox, will always be in his prayers and serves as a tragic example of why one should never drink and drive.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close