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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Former Orlando Breakers Coach Michael 'Dauber' Dybinski Adjusts To New GM Duties

ORLANDO, FL—Dismissing questions regarding his lack of executive experience, his willingness to make tough personnel decisions, and rumors that his team may soon move to Los Angeles, two-time Super Bowl champion coach and former Monday Night Football broadcaster Michael 'Dauber' Dybinski reassured fans that he was ready to take over the position of general manager for the Orlando Breakers. "I guess I got a lot to learn about what the salary cap is if I'm supposed to wear it every day," Dybinski joked Monday in an obvious jibe at critics who repeatedly questioned his intelligence. "Seriously, though, we're balanced in the locker room with both decent young talent and veteran leaders, we have a $45 million secured municipal bond float for stadium renovations over the next six years, I have a seat at the table for the new collective bargaining agreement, and I've got a feeling this is the year we finally beat the Bills in the playoffs. I love this job." Dybinski also took time to mention that his predecessor, former Breakers coach and general manager Hayden Fox, will always be in his prayers and serves as a tragic example of why one should never drink and drive.

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