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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Fourth-Grader’s World War II Project Vastly Oversimplifies Importance Of Air Combat, Uncle Reports

NORRISTOWN, PA—Despite receiving a “check-plus” on his three-page school project entitled “World War II,” fourth-grader Joe Fisher’s work grossly overlooks the full significance of Allied air offensives in Europe and the Pacific, his uncle Ron, 51, reported Tuesday. “What [Joe] failed to grasp was the importance of sustained bombing raids conducted across the Western Front, not to mention the decisive aerial assaults on the Imperial Japanese Navy,” said Ron Fisher about his 9-year-old nephew’s handwritten, stapled, and illustrated report. “Are we actually to believe, as Joe’s report supposes, that a few isolated beach landings in the European theater turned the tide of the war? Frankly, that overstates the case to an embarrassing degree.” Fischer reportedly spent the next 90 minutes detailing how teething problems in the R-2600 engines of Curtis XB2C-1 prototypes were eventually smoothed out in the SB2C service models.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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