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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Fox Cancels ALCS After Just Two Episodes

LOS ANGELES—Fox Entertainment president Peter Liguori announced Thursday that the network is pulling the plug on ALCS, the new three-hour drama/comedy about two rival clubs competing for the coveted "pennant," just two shows into its run. "This uninspired series featured a cast of uninteresting characters, a hackneyed plot, and more boring narration than actual meaningful dialogue," Liguori said. "We tried to find an audience on Tuesdays, then on Wednesdays, and we were prepared to move its time slot to Friday nights or Saturday afternoons before ultimately realizing that the series had zero potential." Television experts cited several other possible reasons for the early cancellation, such as the overly expensive sets and costumes, the show's subject matter, and the fact that the series' projected breakout character—a brash, outspoken black man named Carl Everett—tested very poorly with audiences. Fox remains optimistic about its other fledgling program, NLCS, but critics say the series has "very little chance" of making it past seven episodes.

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