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NFL Playoffs

Rex, Rob Ryan Finally Get Bunk Beds They Always Wanted

BUFFALO, NY—Howling with excitement after seeing the brand-new furniture set in the corner of the bedroom they now share, Buffalo Bills head coach Rex Ryan and his twin brother, recently hired Bills assistant head coach Rob Ryan, finally got the bunk beds they always wanted, sources confirmed Monday.

Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.

Punter Just Praying Returner Doesn’t Make It All The Way To Him

JACKSONVILLE, FL—Growing increasingly nervous as he contemplated being the team’s last line of defense, Tennessee Titans punter Brett Kern was reportedly praying Thursday that Jacksonville Jaguars returner Rashad Greene wouldn’t make it all the way down the field to him.

Defensive Tackle’s Innocence Shattered By Play-Action Pass

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—Saying the eye-opening experience has forever altered his worldview, Buffalo Bills defensive tackle Marcell Dareus admitted to reporters Friday that a play-action pass play by the New York Jets had totally shattered his youthful innocence.
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NFL Playoffs

Fox Introduces New Line Of Scrimmage Reporter For NFL Playoffs

LOS ANGELES—Claiming that the new addition to their broadcast will bring fans closer to the game than ever before, officials from Fox Sports confirmed Friday that the network is debuting line of scrimmage reporters for all of its NFL playoff games. “Beginning with Wild Card Weekend, our line of scrimmage reporters will be positioned right in the middle of the neutral zone in order to provide viewers with the most in-depth and up-to-date information on what’s happening before the snap,” said Fox Sports president Eric Shanks, adding that the reporters will shed valuable insight into the quarterback’s cadence, audibles on either side of the ball, and any trash talk during the 40 seconds between each play. “For the first time ever, fans will be given live updates from a source standing just inches away from the center as he tries to read the opposing defense. And once the ball is snapped, our commentators will check back in with our reporter to get a firsthand look at how a hole or passing pocket is developing.” Shanks added that the network is also currently experimenting with a sky reporter, who, while suspended from a thin wire running the length of the field, will provide real-time analysis of plays from an aerial position.

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