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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Fox Introduces New Line Of Scrimmage Reporter For NFL Playoffs

LOS ANGELES—Claiming that the new addition to their broadcast will bring fans closer to the game than ever before, officials from Fox Sports confirmed Friday that the network is debuting line of scrimmage reporters for all of its NFL playoff games. “Beginning with Wild Card Weekend, our line of scrimmage reporters will be positioned right in the middle of the neutral zone in order to provide viewers with the most in-depth and up-to-date information on what’s happening before the snap,” said Fox Sports president Eric Shanks, adding that the reporters will shed valuable insight into the quarterback’s cadence, audibles on either side of the ball, and any trash talk during the 40 seconds between each play. “For the first time ever, fans will be given live updates from a source standing just inches away from the center as he tries to read the opposing defense. And once the ball is snapped, our commentators will check back in with our reporter to get a firsthand look at how a hole or passing pocket is developing.” Shanks added that the network is also currently experimenting with a sky reporter, who, while suspended from a thin wire running the length of the field, will provide real-time analysis of plays from an aerial position.

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