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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Fox Launches 'We're Not Any Happier About This Than You Are' Campaign Promoting World Series

ST. LOUIS—Acknowledging this year's World Series lacks a compelling team and any real sense of drama, Fox rolled out ads for its coverage this week using the tagline "We're Not Any Happier About This Than You Are." "You don't have to tell us what a disappointment this is. We wasted hundreds of millions of dollars on the rights to broadcast up to seven games between two unlovable, unspectacular teams from moribund markets," Fox announcer Joe Buck says in one ad. "But it's going in the record books as a World Series. So if you're a baseball fan, you're pretty much obliged to watch Fox." To better reflect the current series, a line used in previous postseason advertisements, "Legends Are Born in October," has been reworked to "A Series of Bullpen Arms Will Be Shuttled in and out to Get Favorable Matchups in October."

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