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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Web Series Reaches 100 Views

A comedic webisode about two roommates became a viral sensation this week after reaching the unprecedented 100 view milestone.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Fox Launches 'We're Not Any Happier About This Than You Are' Campaign Promoting World Series

ST. LOUIS—Acknowledging this year's World Series lacks a compelling team and any real sense of drama, Fox rolled out ads for its coverage this week using the tagline "We're Not Any Happier About This Than You Are." "You don't have to tell us what a disappointment this is. We wasted hundreds of millions of dollars on the rights to broadcast up to seven games between two unlovable, unspectacular teams from moribund markets," Fox announcer Joe Buck says in one ad. "But it's going in the record books as a World Series. So if you're a baseball fan, you're pretty much obliged to watch Fox." To better reflect the current series, a line used in previous postseason advertisements, "Legends Are Born in October," has been reworked to "A Series of Bullpen Arms Will Be Shuttled in and out to Get Favorable Matchups in October."

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