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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Francis Scott Key To Sing National Anthem At Super Bowl XLIII

TAMPA BAY, FL—In his first public appearance since his death in 1843, attorney, author, and poet Francis Scott Key announced Wednesday that he would sing "The Star Spangled Banner," which he himself originally penned nearly 200 years ago as the poem "The Defence Of Fort McHenry," prior to Super Bowl XLIII. "I plan to sing it in its entirety with all four stanzas, and to the tune of the British drinking ditty 'The Anacreontic Song,'" Key said as gobbets of desiccated flesh and hanks of hair periodically fell from his yellowed skull. "Thank you, kind sirs, for inviting me to your Superb [sic] Bowl. I relish the opportunity to once again read my work to the worthy landowning men of this great nation." Key attempted to amuse the press by vowing not to muddle up the lyrics, as he had done in a very embarrassing moment before a lawn-bowls match in 1829.

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