DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
HOUSTON—Suspended for his role in the Mets-Nationals brawl last week, Washington manager Frank Robinson opted to serve his suspension during Monday's game against the Astros, which he watched alone while standing atop the darkened rafters of Minute Maid Park with his hands tightly clenched in fists of silent, barely contained rage for the entirety of the three-hour contest. "While it is preferable that managers serving a suspension are kept out of the ballpark to keep them from relaying signals to their team, Mr. Robinson's anger-induced catatonic state prevented him from doing so even if he tried," said Bob Watson, MLB's vice president in charge of discipline, who in the third inning sent a team of security officials to monitor Robinson and prevent him from taking out his anger on fans, players, private property, or himself. "However, we are investigating a possible link between the changing of Nationals pitchers and the audible low-frequency rumble of grinding teeth emanating from the rafters, which could result in a further suspension, fine, or confiscation of Mr. Robinson's stress ball." Robinson returned to the dugout for the Nationals' Tuesday afternoon loss to the Mets, during which he repeated many of the same actions.