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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Frank Thomas Credits Recent Power Surge To Steroids

OAKLAND, CA—After two seasons marked by nagging injuries and sub-par home-run totals, Frank Thomas credited his career rejuvenation and rediscovered power stroke "strictly to my weekly cycle of injecting myself with anabolic steroids." "People ask me all the time what's my secret, how have I stayed in such good shape and been so consistent this season, and I tell them the same thing every time: It's the steroids," said Thomas, who has 19 homers and a league-high 62 RBI since the All-Star break. "I give the steroids all the credit. It's not even just the muscle and the power, but the confidence I have when I step up to the plate knowing I have a total competitive advantage. I just wish I knew about this miracle drug earlier in my career." MLB officials later announced that, should Thomas test positive for steroid use in a random drug test before season's end, his punishment would be significantly reduced for being open and honest about it beforehand.

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