adBlockCheck

Sports

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
End Of Section
  • More News

Frank Thomas Draws Greatest Walk In Baseball History

OAKLAND—An exhausted Frank Thomas trotted to first base Wednesday night after a historic 257-pitch at-bat that included three balls, 251 consecutive dropped foul tips, and eight relief pitchers during a fifth-inning walk in a 7-2 victory over the Seattle Mariners.. "He walked him! He walked him! I can easily believe what I just saw for the past two and a half hours!" said Oakland's play-by play man Ken Korach, whose now-famous "walk call" will likely never be recited by avid baseball fans everywhere. "The fans were on their feet for every pitch until number 147, at which point they grew tired and left the ballpark. My, oh my, if there's any justice in the world, I'll never live to see a walk like that again." Thomas checked his swing at the final pitch of the at-bat, and the call was deferred to first-base umpire Andy Fletcher, who at that point clearly wasn't paying attention.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close