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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Freeh Report: Joe Paterno Burning In Hell Right Now

PHILADELPHIA—Releasing a full report of his investigation into the Penn State scandal at a press conference Thursday morning, former FBI director Louis J. Freeh disclosed that the late Joe Paterno was indeed burning in hell at this very moment for his part in covering up the sexual abuse of young boys. "My examination of the available documents found that Jerry Sandusky's activities were almost certainly known to Coach Paterno, who failed to act appropriately in reporting or following up on certain incidents and who is indeed shrieking in indescribable anguish as the searing flames of hell devour his flesh for all eternity," Freeh told reporters, adding that Paterno's firing by the university was also warranted. "Every moment since his death has been one of pure suffering and excruciating, flesh-melting torment, based on the interdepartmental communications given to us for review." Freeh refused to confirm whether Penn State fans and alumni who supported Paterno during the scandal would also eventually burn in hell, saying they had "the remainder of their lives" to reflect and repent and "may still escape eternal and painful damnation."

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Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

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