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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Freelancer Loves Being Able To Barely Scrape By Livelihood On Own Schedule

EUGENE, OR—Praising the flexible lifestyle that comes with his manner of employment, local freelancer Martin Abraham told reporters Monday that he loves being able to barely scrape by a livelihood on his own schedule. “I really enjoy the freedom my work affords me in cobbling together just enough to subsist,” said Abraham, noting that unlike his friends who are “chained to office jobs,” he has the latitude to do whatever work is available from a variety of inconsistent, unreliable sources. “The best part is that I can do it from anywhere. I can actually work from a coffee shop where it’ll take me an hour to earn back the cost of the least expensive menu item. And anytime I want to deprive myself of the income I badly need to move out of my parents’ house, I don’t need anyone’s permission to take an afternoon off.” Abraham went on to say that what he loves even more than the flexibility of freelancing is the total autonomy of being on unemployment.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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