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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Freezing, Coatless Woman Has Decided It Is Spring

CHICAGO—Wearing a cardigan and a thin scarf, freezing woman Melissa Cady, 34, reportedly walked to work in frigid temperatures today following her decision that it is spring now. “The date is April 8 and it is now springtime and it is beautiful out,” said the shivering, coatless woman as a gust of cold air blasted into her face. “Winter is over. The seasons have changed. I am happy and warm now.” Sources said the woman spent her lunch hour walking along Lake Michigan, vigorously rubbing her hands together and blowing into them.

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