adBlockCheck

Frequent Flyer Knows Out-Of-The-Way Airport Bar That's Never Crowded

Top Headlines

Business

Heart Attack A Real Wake-Up Call For Man’s Insurance Provider

HARTFORD, CT—Saying the incident had forced them to completely rethink their past decisions about the man’s coverage and how they would approach his policy from here on out, Aetna executives reported Thursday that the recent heart attack of longtime plan member Michael Burns was a real wake-up call for the 163-year-old insurance company.

Big-Box Stores Vs. Small Businesses

While massive superstores like Walmart and Target have dominated the retail landscape for years, many shoppers are rejecting them in favor of smaller, locally owned shops. Here is a side-by-side comparison of the two options:

Brita Unveils New In-Throat Water Filters

OAKLAND, CA—Representatives from Brita, the nation’s bestselling brand of household water filtration products, held a press event Wednesday to unveil a new line of filters designed to be installed directly inside users’ throats.

Woman Leaving Meeting Worried She Came Off As Too Competent

OXNARD, CA—Silently chastising herself for the way she behaved in front of her colleagues and supervisors, Cobalt Property Insurance sales associate Leah Manning, 36, was reportedly deeply worried Tuesday that she came off as too competent during the company’s weekly sales meeting.

McDonald’s Announces New Spearmint After-Dinner Big Mac

OAK BROOK, IL—Calling the new menu item a cool, refreshing way for consumers to finish their meals, McDonald’s officials introduced the Spearmint After-Dinner Big Mac during a press event Tuesday at the company’s corporate headquarters.

NicoDerm Introduces New Nicotine Eye Patch

PHILADELPHIA—Praising the product as an effective and convenient means of helping individuals quit smoking, pharmaceutical manufacturer GlaxoSmithKline announced Wednesday the release of its new NicoDerm eye patch.

Disney World Opens New Ordeal Kingdom For Family Meltdowns

BAY LAKE, FL—Touting the new property’s wide variety of unique and imaginative attractions, representatives from the Walt Disney World Resort announced Monday the opening of Ordeal Kingdom, a new theme park specifically designed for full-scale family meltdowns.

Boss Wants Friendly, Relaxed Company Culture In Place By Friday

SAN MATEO, CA—Warning of severe consequences if he didn’t see results, Pantheon Digital Consulting COO Daniel Abelson, 59, told employees Monday he wants a relaxed, friendly company culture implemented by the end of the week, sources within the organization confirmed.

Coca-Cola Marketing Strategist Named New United States PR Laureate

WASHINGTON—In a ceremony at the White House this morning in which his work was praised for its unique contributions to the art of corporate communications, Coca-Cola marketing strategist Lawrence Shaffer was officially appointed as the new PR laureate of the United States, sources confirmed.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Frequent Flyer Knows Out-Of-The-Way Airport Bar That's Never Crowded

ATLANTA—Savvy, experienced business traveler Donald Meyers, 46, knows a great out-of-the-way bar at O’Hare Airport’s “B” terminal that’s never crowded, the frequent flyer said Monday during a layover in Atlanta.

Meyers enjoys a beer at an airport bar in Atlanta.

Meyers, a project manager for Motorola who is on the road an average of 150 days a year, discovered the Windy City Pub during a three-hour layover at O’Hare in May 2001. He said the bar is one of his top 10 frequent-flying treats.

“I don’t say this often, but visiting this little bar is actually worth extending your time between flights,” Meyers said. “It’s never crowded, the chairs are incredibly comfortable, and it’s set back a bit from the terminal walkways, so it’s not nearly as loud as your average airport bar. I’d have to put it up there with the Cheers bar at Detroit Metro and the one they used to have at the end of the United terminal at Denver’s old Stapleton International.”

Meyers also had high praise for Tomas Cordero, the Windy City Pub’s weekday bartender.

“Tomas is great,” said Meyers, who, when not on the road, lives in St. Louis with wife Linda and their two sons Cody and Cameron. “He puts something—I don’t know what—with a little extra zing in the Bloody Mary mix. Everyone knows you shouldn’t drink before flying, but if you knew this little hidden gem, you’d probably be willing to chance it.”

With an estimated 2,000 flights under his belt in his 23 years of business travel, Meyers claims to be “one of the nation’s leading authorities” on airport amenities, and said he is “more than happy” to pass along knowledge and experience to his fellow travelers.

“If you don’t fly often, there’s lots of stuff you probably don’t know,” Meyers said. “Like how much better the Northwest WorldClub lounge is in Dallas than the one at most other airports—especially La Guardia. Or how you can do on-line check-in with Continental, but that’s only if you have no carry-ons. Or how you should use your Delta SkyMiles card on weekends, because you get double miles on all purchases. Those are the kind of things you may not know if you’re not a seasoned traveler like myself.”

Anna Helsing, 33, sat next to Meyers on a recent St. Louis-Minneapolis flight.

“I was trying to get comfortable in my seat when [Meyers] launched into this whole thing about how I should avoid those U-shaped neck pillows,” Helsing said. “When I told him I didn’t know what he was talking about, he showed me one in the SkyMall catalog and explained that they cramp your neck worse than the regular airline pillow or a folded-up blanket. I wasn’t about to use one, but he felt the need to warn me, anyway.”

Catherine Appel, who sat next to Meyers on a recent San Francisco-Los Angeles flight, said he spent a majority of the trip assessing the hotels situated near various major U.S. and Canadian airports.

“Apparently, the Newark Airport Westin is one of the worst in the country,” Appel said. “I have no idea if that’s true, but he seems to know. I mean, if you heard this guy talk: He advised getting the kosher meal because it’s always better. He gave me tips on getting business-class upgrades. He bragged about getting his oversized luggage onto planes as carry-on because of some weird routing loophole he knows about. And he went on and on about this magic, uncrowded bar at O’Hare, which he made sound like an oasis in the middle of the desert.”

“I’d shoot myself if I ever knew that much about airport hotels and bars,” Appel added. “Thank God I don’t have to fly as much as that poor loser.”


Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close