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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Freudian Physical Therapist Convinced Dream Actually About Knee

WESTPORT, CT—Cal Eddards, a physical therapist who treats injuries through Freudian dream analysis, said her patient's dream of isolation and disorientation was about his torn ACL. "Patient A dreamed that his house had several new, ominous rooms—clearly a subconscious manifestation of ruptured tendon," Eddards wrote in the PT Bulletin Online. "The unstable knee, coupled with his normal fears of castration, have caused a state of repressed emotionality that, if left untreated, could contribute to bursitis later in life."
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