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Friend Gearing Up To Hate The Hulk

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Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.
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Friend Gearing Up To Hate The Hulk

EL PASO, TX—For the past three weeks, comic-book aficionado Derek Linden, 23, has been gearing up to hate Universal Pictures' The Hulk, which opens June 13. "Maybe it'll be good, but I'm bracing for the worst," Linden told friend Paul Comello Monday. "The CGI makes him look like Shrek. And even though The Hulk has the ability to leap long distances, in the trailer it looks like he's flying, which he can't do. And I won't even get into how, in the Hulk origin story, he was gray, not green." Linden said he also has "grave doubts" about Jennifer Connelly's ability to convincingly portray Betty Ross.

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