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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Friend Lives Strange Other Life As Manchester United Fan

BOSTON—According to resident Mike Donnick, his friend and roommate Ben Manton lives a bizarre parallel life as a fan of the U.K. Premier League soccer club Manchester United. “On Saturdays, I’ll hear him leave the apartment at like 7 in the morning, and then he’ll come back around 2 or 3 in the afternoon absolutely plastered, wearing an enormous red scarf and Man U jersey,” Donnick told reporters Tuesday, admitting he has no idea where Ben goes or with whom he hangs out while away. “Occasionally, Ben’ll be on his computer and yell something like ‘Fucking Vidic,’ but when I ask him who Vidic is, he tells me Vidic’s the club skipper and not to worry about it. I think Vidic might be a soccer player, but who knows?” Donnick also said Ben’s weird choice to sing “Build a bonfire, build a bonfire, put the Scousers on the top” to the tune of “Oh My Darling, Clementine” is somehow connected to his secret Manchester United fandom, but could not be certain.

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