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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Friend Takes Liberty Of Ordering $40 Worth Of Appetizers For Entire Table

ATLANTA—Speaking up on behalf of his six-person group at Morrie’s Tavern & Grill Tuesday evening, software engineer Bradley McCray reportedly took it upon himself to order a wide selection of appetizers totaling approximately $40. “Yeah, let’s get two loaded potato skins, a plate of habanero poppers, and a few baskets of chips and guac for the table,” McCray was overheard telling the waitress, neglecting to consult the other members of his party before committing them to the large assortment of pre-dinner fare. “Are the regular or chipotle hot wings better? You know, how about you just bring us one of each? And we’re also gonna start off with a pitcher of strawberry margaritas to share.” At press time, the rest of the table was watching helplessly as McCray asked to see the dessert menu.

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