Archaeologists Unearth Lousiest Civilization Ever

'What A Bunch Of Losers,' Researchers Say

MANAUS, BRAZIL— Archaeologists working in a remote section of the Amazon Rainforest announced Tuesday that they have discovered the ancient remnants of what they claimed may be the lousiest civilization in human history.
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Friend Working At Milwaukee History Museum Could Probably Get You In For Free

MILWAUKEE—Suggesting that he might be able to pull a few strings at the admissions desk, a friend who works as a cashier at the Milwaukee History Museum confirmed Monday that he could probably get you in for free. “If you can get here before 3:30 and come in through the north entrance, I’m pretty sure I can hook you up as long as you don’t bring a bunch of people,” said the friend, emphasizing that while general admission would be “on the house,” you would most likely have to pay to enter the French Fur Traders Exhibit, as that particular area requires a separate ticket. “It has to be Monday or Wednesday when Karen is working the front desk. If George is on duty, it’ll be a lot trickier. Worst-case scenario, I can meet you outside and slip you a wristband.” At press time, the friend sent a text message urging you to swing by soon to check out the retrospective “Solomon Juneau: Milwaukee’s First Mayor” before it closes at the end of the month.


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