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Leaked Documents Reveal Studio Executives Knew About ‘Gods Of Egypt’ Before It Released Onto Public

SANTA MONICA, CA—Suggesting that the disastrous events of three months ago could have been averted, federal investigators stated Wednesday that a trove of leaked documents confirmed high-ranking studio executives had full knowledge of Gods Of Egypt long before the film was released onto unsuspecting Americans.Investigators described those who allowed such a screenplay to be carried out as “extremely sick and heartless individuals.”

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Though e-readers have increasingly supplanted books in the digital age, many bibliophiles defend the importance of physical texts. Here is a side-by-side comparison of physical books and e-books

The Arguments For And Against Bernie Sanders Staying In The Race

Bernie Sanders is ramping up his efforts in the presidential race despite long odds, while sharpening his criticisms of a Democratic Party increasingly focused on the general election with Hillary Clinton as their presumptive nominee. Here are the arguments for and against Sanders staying in the race

Report: Nobody Fucking Cares

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Mom Sleeps In Past Sunrise

WOBURN, MA―Noting that she had somehow managed to sleep through both the dawn chorus of birds and her neighborhood’s early morning garbage pickup, 53-year-old local mother Laura Maloney confirmed that she did not awaken Monday until after the sun had risen.
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Friends From Home Embarrassing

BROOKLYN, NY—After taking a group of visiting hometown friends out with the circle of friends he has made since moving to New York from Hingham, MA three years ago, 25-year-old paralegal Andy Stein reported Tuesday that his friends from home are "pretty embarrassing." "I guess I never noticed it then, but they're all really loud, they complained about how expensive New York beer is the whole night, they kept quoting that 'More Cowbell' sketch from like 10 years ago, and every time I introduced them to one of my coworkers, they tried to give them a fist pound," Stein said. "Plus, they all still watch wrestling." When reached for comment, Stein's childhood neighbor Jake Mikita said that Stein's new friends were "a bunch of fucking pussies, but nah, they're pretty good guys."

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