Friends From Home Embarrassing

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Local Household Announces Plans To Overdo Halloween Again

HIGHLAND PARK, IL—Having hauled over a dozen boxes of lights and plastic decorations as well as a large black-cat-shaped lawn inflatable from storage, members of the Hutchcroft family announced to neighbors from their front yard Thursday their plan to completely overdo Halloween again this year.

Friends From Home Embarrassing

BROOKLYN, NY—After taking a group of visiting hometown friends out with the circle of friends he has made since moving to New York from Hingham, MA three years ago, 25-year-old paralegal Andy Stein reported Tuesday that his friends from home are "pretty embarrassing." "I guess I never noticed it then, but they're all really loud, they complained about how expensive New York beer is the whole night, they kept quoting that 'More Cowbell' sketch from like 10 years ago, and every time I introduced them to one of my coworkers, they tried to give them a fist pound," Stein said. "Plus, they all still watch wrestling." When reached for comment, Stein's childhood neighbor Jake Mikita said that Stein's new friends were "a bunch of fucking pussies, but nah, they're pretty good guys."