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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Friend's Mom Tearing It Up On Facebook

PORTLAND, ME—Friends of area man Nick Overbeck confirmed today that the 26-year-old’s mother has been absolutely ripping it up on Facebook over the past four hours and shows no signs of slowing down. “Man, look at her go—she’s friending people left and right and just liking the shit out of everything she sees,” said friend Alan Gerard, noting that Nick’s mom had left a “pretty insane” string of comments on other people’s statuses over the previous 90 minutes. “And she’s going absolutely balls to the wall posting family photos and scam alerts. Christ, she’s really going for it, isn’t she?” At press time, sources confirmed that Nick’s mother had learned how to use the chat feature and was carrying on six simultaneous conversations like a goddamn madman.

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