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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Friends Tell El Duque He Shouldn't Have To Change Windup For Mets To Like Him

NEW YORK—Close friends of Orlando "El Duque" Hernandez explained to the Mets pitcher Tuesday that, despite his team's attempts to get him to alter his unconventional delivery to alleviate the stress placed on his right push-off foot, Hernandez is great the way he is and should not have to change anything about his mechanics just to fit in on the Mets roster. "If the Mets don't want you to be their fifth starter, that's their loss," Hernandez's longtime friend Bob Cohn, 52, reportedly told the pitcher Tuesday. "Your windup is great. It's unique, it's quirky, it's flashy without being pretentious—Orlando, it's you." Cohn and Hernandez's other friends, however, later went on to suggest that maybe Hernandez might want to try possibly abandoning his high leg kick, "just to show a different side of yourself, you know?"

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Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

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