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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Frustrated Bob Ley Tasked With Explaining Concept Of Europe To ESPN Viewers

BRISTOL, CT—Assigned to provide commentary over SportsCenter's Euro 2012 highlights Tuesday night, ESPN anchor Bob Ley was forced to explain first the existence of Europe to the show's audience, a daunting task that clearly frustrated him. "You know how we say the U.S. is a country? Well, Europe is many countries put together, and people live in them just like people live here," said Ley, rushing through his script as England and Ukraine played on screen, and failing to make it through even a brief overview of the continent's history or why it was relevant, much less who Wayne Rooney is or why it was good that the ball bounced off his head at the end of the field. "Over by where the Red Sox play is some water called the Atlantic Ocean, and on the other side of the water is Europe… Okay, let's just leave it at that. I've probably lost most of you by now." Ley then went on to highlights of the Sweden-France match, simplifying things by just calling the two foreign nations the "Blue Jays" and the "Expos."

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