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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Frustrated Employee No Longer Even Trying To Hide GRE Study Books

AUSTIN, TX—No longer motivated to keep up the pretense of being a dedicated employee, TechStream systems analyst Chad Reasor told reporters Wednesday that he had abandoned all efforts to conceal the books and other study materials he was using to prepare for his upcoming graduate school entrance exam. “I used to have some spreadsheets open on my computer while keeping the study guide hidden on my lap, but I honestly couldn’t care less at this point,” said Reasor, adding that he no longer had qualms about leaving his copy of Essential Words For The GRE on his desk and didn’t care in the slightest if someone witnessed him openly poring over vocabulary flashcards in the break room. “I don’t think anyone’s really going to look at my screen and notice I’ve got tabs for five different grad schools open in my browser, but even if they do, who gives a shit? I’ve got nothing to hide at this point.” At press time, Reasor was solving a series of coordinate geometry practice questions in the middle of the morning staff meeting.

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