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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Frustrated Gunman Can’t Believe How Far He Has To Drive To Find Nearest Planned Parenthood Clinic

AMARILLO, TX—Expressing frustration with the lack of convenient locations in his area, deranged gunman and anti-abortion fanatic Jared Broussard reported Monday that he could not believe how far he would have to drive to find the nearest Planned Parenthood clinic. “You have to be kidding me; I figured I’d need to go 10, maybe 15 miles, tops, but the closest one is almost 250 miles away,” said a visibly exasperated Broussard, adding that he would have to scrap his plans for the entire day and leave right now if he wanted to reach the health care provider before it closed this evening. “God, the nearest one isn’t even in this state. It’s actually faster for me to drive across the border to Santa Fe, and even then it’s still a four-hour trip. That barely leaves me enough time to buy ammo.” Broussard added that, given the length of the drive, he was thankful that he would likely not have to make a round trip.

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Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.

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