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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Frustrated Kevin Durant Realizes He Forgot To Write-Off Several Dunks On Taxes

OKLAHOMA CITY—Just hours after Kevin Durant mailed in his forms for 2010, a conversation with Thunder teammate Russell Westbrook Monday made him realize he had forgotten to deduct the results of some 600 dunks. "Russell was talking about how he was able to get almost 60 percent back from dunks, and I was just stunned I'd forgotten to put down any at all," said Durant, who noted that he could have received substantial dunk-related refunds, as even dunks made while ahead by more than 10 points could be counted as necessary entertainment write-offs. "I mean, even Serge [Ibaka] remembered to list all his jams, and he's from the Congo." Durant said he had intended to make the deductions, keeping each of his dunk receipts, but had gotten sidetracked by the pressure of filling out his and-1 forms by the April 18 deadline.

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