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20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.
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Frustrated NSA Now Forced To Rely On Mass Surveillance Programs That Haven’t Come To Light Yet

FORT MEADE, MD—Expressing frustration over Congress’ decision to let the provisions allowing the bulk collection of phone data expire, annoyed National Security Agency officials reported Monday that the organization would now be forced to rely exclusively on mass surveillance programs that have yet to come to light. “Unfortunately, lawmakers chose to limit our intelligence-gathering capabilities by discontinuing key sections of the Patriot Act, and now we have no choice but to depend on a number of other civilian-monitoring initiatives that continue to remain hidden from the public,” said NSA director Michael Rogers, adding that, although the agency still has a wide variety of covert hacking, wiretapping, and GPS-tracking programs at its disposal that have not yet been exposed by whistleblowers or investigative journalists, the end of its ability to record the phone data of millions of Americans still represents “a fairly sizable inconvenience” for the organization. “Obviously, we will continue to carry out our duty of protecting the United States, but without the powers granted to us under Section 215 of the Patriot Act, I guess we’ll just have to make do with our Dark Sky systems, the Linguos Protocol, and Project OPTIC, among several dozen others.” Rogers noted that while the NSA was disappointed to see the old metadata collection program lapse, ultimately the capabilities of its newer surveillance projects make the old one look miniscule in comparison.


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