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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Frustration With Husband Taken Out On Soap Scum

FAYETTEVILLE, AR—Local homemaker Darlene Ernst, 37, expressed her frustration with her husband Dean on Tuesday by vigorously scouring the stubborn soap scum from her bathtub's surface.  "A clean bathroom takes a lot of work, and maybe I'm not always in the mood to do it, but I do it anyway because it's the right thing," said Ernst, whose spouse's emotional unavailability is similarly responsible for her home's dust-free mini-blinds and spotless attic.  "I will not let this soap scum ruin my life." Sources report that Ernst treated herself to a new Clorox ReadyMop over the weekend after hearing from neighbors that her husband was seen with another woman.

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