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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Black Man Does 8 Years

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'Fuck You,' Obama Says In Hilarious Correspondents' Dinner Speech

'No, Really, Fuck Every One Of You'

WASHINGTON—President Obama left attendees of the White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner in stitches Saturday night after delivering a hilarious speech repeatedly telling the entire room to “fuck off.” “No, seriously, each and every one of you cocksuckers can go fuck yourselves; I fucking hate all of you,” Obama said to the uproarious laughter and applause of the assembled politicians and media personalities. “Stop laughing. I’m not fucking kidding, idiots. All of you gathered here today are a bunch of spineless, hypocritical pieces of shit, and I have absolutely zero respect for anyone in this room. So, fuck you all, and may you and your families go straight to fucking hell.” Critics have praised Obama’s performance at the annual dinner, saying the president’s jokes were sharp and his timing has “never been better.”

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