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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Fun-Loving, Laid-Back Woman With A Bit Of A Nerdy Side Joins Online Dating Service

CINCINNATI—Describing herself as “spontaneous, down-to-earth, and just a little quirky,” a self-professed fun-loving, laid-back woman with a bit of a nerdy side has joined an online dating service, sources confirmed Wednesday. “I like biking and hanging out with my friends, but am just as fond of curling up with a good book or nerding out to a good Joss Whedon show,” read the woman’s profile, which includes photos captioned with the phrases “reigning karaoke champ” and “me and Ashley at Hogwarts in Orlando!” “While I’m adventurous and enjoy going new places and trying new things, I also don’t mind staying in with a bottle of wine and watching some Battlestar Galactica. Sometimes it’s good to have a day to just veg out, you know?” The woman’s profile also reportedly confirms her positive feelings toward dogs.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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