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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Fun-Loving, Laid-Back Woman With A Bit Of A Nerdy Side Joins Online Dating Service

CINCINNATI—Describing herself as “spontaneous, down-to-earth, and just a little quirky,” a self-professed fun-loving, laid-back woman with a bit of a nerdy side has joined an online dating service, sources confirmed Wednesday. “I like biking and hanging out with my friends, but am just as fond of curling up with a good book or nerding out to a good Joss Whedon show,” read the woman’s profile, which includes photos captioned with the phrases “reigning karaoke champ” and “me and Ashley at Hogwarts in Orlando!” “While I’m adventurous and enjoy going new places and trying new things, I also don’t mind staying in with a bottle of wine and watching some Battlestar Galactica. Sometimes it’s good to have a day to just veg out, you know?” The woman’s profile also reportedly confirms her positive feelings toward dogs.

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