Fun-Loving Turtle All Business When It's Feeding Time

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TGI Fridays

Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Man Has No Idea What To Do With Good Mood

FRANKLIN, WI—Weighing various options for how to proceed given the unexpectedness of the situation, local 33-year-old Trevor Clifford was reportedly at a complete loss as to what he should do Monday after suddenly finding himself in a good mood.

Planning The Perfect Road Trip

With summer fast approaching, many people are planning long car trips to visit tourist attractions, see old friends, or simply hit the open road.

Abandoned Mall Retains Eerie Vestiges Of Fun Shopping Atmosphere

ROSEVILLE, MN–The silent hull of Northlands Mall disquieted Erik Sandvig Monday, when the local man gazed through the locked glass doors of what was, in happier times, "Roseville's One-Stop Shopping Fun Zone." "Man, it's really creepy," Sandvig said of the once-thriving mall's mausoleum-like stillness. "There's the Sam Goody where you could get all the hottest new releases. And right next door is the Foot Locker that had all your favorite gear from Nike and Adidas." His nostalgic longing satisfied, Sandvig walked on, leaving the ghosts of former fun-seeking shoppers to roam the aisles undisturbed.

Snacktime Made More Fun

ORRVILLE, OH—The national pastime of eating delicious, reasonably priced snack-food items between meals was made more fun Monday, when the J.M. Smucker Company introduced Smucker's® Super-Snackers. The new product, which differs from ordinary Smucker's® Snackers due to the inclusion of new "Magic" Color-Change Sprinkles, is expected to propel already-soaring national snacktime-fun levels to unprecedented heights by mid-spring.
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TGI Fridays

Fun-Loving Turtle All Business When It's Feeding Time

GATLINBURG, TN—Though playful and fun-loving through the vast majority of his day, local pet turtle Beeper instantly ceases all frivolity and grows intensely focused when it comes time for his daily feeding, owner Martin DeCarlo reported Monday. “He’ll float around in his little pool for hours, just having the time of his life," the 52-year-old DeCarlo said. “But when I drop in his four pellets of turtle food, he cuts the bullshit and gets right on task. He homes in on the food like a fucking laser, as if the whole universe had been reduced to nothing but him and those pellets. Then, when he’s all done, just as suddenly as he stopped, he goes right back to Beeper fun time.” DeCarlo added that once, when feeding time was delayed by several hours, Beeper greeted him with a glare of “seething contempt.”

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