adBlockCheck

Recent News

Most Anticipated Panels At Comic-Con

San Diego Comic-Con kicks off tomorrow, and this year’s schedule is packed with must-see events. Here are the most highly-anticipated panels of Comic-Con 2017.

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.
End Of Section
  • More News

Funeral Held For Door Shot 4 Times By Oscar Pistorius

PRETORIA, SOUTH AFRICA—Hundreds of grieving friends and family members gathered at a private memorial service today to mourn the death of the bathroom door that was shot by paralympian Oscar Pistorius late last week. “This poor door was only three years old—what kind of a monster would do such a thing?” said mourner Henrik Lourens of the poplar entryway, which died of multiple gunshot wounds early Valentine’s Day. “We got a carpenter to fix it up for the casket, and he did a pretty good job, but it’s still hard to see it just lying there. At least it’s in a better place now.” Sources confirmed the door would be cremated.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close