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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Furious Bleacher Report Editor Will Make Staff Rank Things All Fucking Night If He Has To

SAN FRANCISCO—Frustrated with the poor quality of lists the website’s writers have produced as of late, BleacherReport.com editor Eric Briggs threatened Monday to force the staff to rank things “all fucking night” if he had to. “What do you fucking think this is? It’s Bleacher Report. Pick any fucking sports shit and rank it,” said Briggs, before angrily slamming shut the laptop of a young writer he found working on a 4,000-word feature on the legacy of racial prejudice in tennis. “I don’t give a shit if you’re tired. Rank the goddamn top 10 fingers on Tom Brady’s hands if you have to. Just shit something out, and people will click through it.” Briggs added that if he did not have 400 new lists ready to put up on the website the next morning, the staff could “say goodbye” to their “cushy-ass $5-a-post jobs.”

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