Furious Bleacher Report Editor Will Make Staff Rank Things All Fucking Night If He Has To

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Vol 48 Issue 50

Fuck Everything, Nation Reports

WASHINGTON—Following the fatal shooting this morning at a Connecticut elementary school that left at least 27 dead, including 20 small children, sources across the nation shook their heads, stifled a sob in their voices, and reported fuck everything...

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Furious Bleacher Report Editor Will Make Staff Rank Things All Fucking Night If He Has To

SAN FRANCISCO—Frustrated with the poor quality of lists the website’s writers have produced as of late, BleacherReport.com editor Eric Briggs threatened Monday to force the staff to rank things “all fucking night” if he had to. “What do you fucking think this is? It’s Bleacher Report. Pick any fucking sports shit and rank it,” said Briggs, before angrily slamming shut the laptop of a young writer he found working on a 4,000-word feature on the legacy of racial prejudice in tennis. “I don’t give a shit if you’re tired. Rank the goddamn top 10 fingers on Tom Brady’s hands if you have to. Just shit something out, and people will click through it.” Briggs added that if he did not have 400 new lists ready to put up on the website the next morning, the staff could “say goodbye” to their “cushy-ass $5-a-post jobs.”

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